Walking the Tightrope

One of the things I kept discussing with my counselor was the fact that I never got to see George's body.  As I have said in earlier posts, in some ways I tried to convince myself that since I hadn't see him, maybe it wasn't him. Maybe this was still some big mistake.  This belief, I know, kept holding me back from really move forward in the grieving process.  If I couldn't get to the acceptance part of grieving, I was not going to get better.

I just kept feeling that I needed proof.  I was so emotionally fragile during this time, teetering and tottering like I was on a tightrope and feeling like any small slip up would send me falling, falling, falling, with no safety net beneath me.  

George's wife had kept the clothes and boots bagged up that George had been wearing during the accident.  I thought that maybe if I could see those, I would might be able to believe he was really gone, but I was scared to death to find out the truth - I was so determined to keep him with me!  So after my counselor and I discussed it at length, it was decided I would get them but wait to open the bag until I was in her office.

I sent a text to George's wife and she told me she no longer had his clothes. She had finally thrown them out.  Well.... that was not what I expected to hear, and I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed. I've wondered about that quite a bit.  Was that God's way of protecting me from something that I would not have been able to handle?  I still don't know the answer to that.  

So, now what was I supposed to do?   The only thing I could do was continue to balance on that tight rope.  I know many people were praying for me.  And I know the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf when I didn't know how to pray.  Those prayers are what sustained me through the darkest time of my life.  I will always be thankful for prayer warriors who prayed me through this crisis in my life.  Prayers had woven a safety net not just under me, but all around me.  Never under estimate the power of prayer.  Never.  

If you need prayer, don't hesitate to ask for it.  And if you are asked to pray for someone, don't tell them you will unless you intend to follow through.  It's that important.  

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Philippians 4:6-7.  "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers.  If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus." (TLB)  I think all of us can use a little more peace, quiet, and rest in our hearts and lives.  Don't you?  Don't forget to look for that ray of

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy