Happy Birthday

I remember talking to George on his birthday, February 14, 2010, just two months before his death.  I asked him how it had been.  He said it had been fine.  He had his little daughter that day and even though she was only three, she knew it was his birthday.  He bought his own birthday cake so she could celebrate with him.  (You'll recall that he was separated at this time.)  I felt a tug on my heart strings and a lump in my throat.  I remember telling, him, "Well, this will be the last year you will have to do that.  Momma is gonna be there for your next birthday and I'll make whatever kind of cake you want!"  

The recollection of that phone conversation was coming to my mind frequently as his next birthday drew closer.  And the lump in my throat was bigger and the tug on my heart strings was tighter.  

I always put together something special for Valentines Day (February 14) for my children.  And this year was no different, except we were supposed to be celebrating George's birthday with him.  And he wasn't there.  I promised my boy a cake.  And I followed through.  We sang happy birthday to him as I tried my best to hold back the tears.  I'm pretty sure he saw us and that he was smiling.  And after cake and ice cream and after the kids got their Valentine goodies, I went to my bedroom to cry my eyes out.  And I slept.

I have to tell you, that my journey has taught me and continues to teach me many, many things.  Some lessons are oh, so hard.  Some lessons don't "take" good the first time and we have to go through refresher courses from time to time which can be unpleasant.  All to often we seem to repeat the same mistakes.   But had someone thrown the phrase out to me three years ago, that "life goes on," I would have bitten my tongue to keep from throwing some choice phrases back to them.  

The truth is, life does go on, with our without our loved one.  How it goes depends on us.  And it's a choice we have to make every single day.  There is light to be found, but we have to seek for it, so remember to keep looking for the 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy