When Hopes and Dreams Change

Yesterday I was at St. Louis Children's Hospital with two of my children.  Let me say, that this was by far NOT our first trip there.  We've had a few hospital stays there, a few minor surgeries, and lots of ongoing appointments with specialists.  I have to say that I love this hospital, doctors, and staff. Even with a two hour drive one way, it is well worth the trip to receive the kind of care that I need for my children.

My six children that are still at home with me are all adopted.  Various backgrounds, different needs.  I knew when I adopted them that they were special needs children.  And I never know when a new need will surface. But God is good, and puts people in our path to help us along the journey.

Every time I am at STLC I am so overwhelmed with compassion and empathy for so many of the children and parents who are there.  So many are there for the long haul.  Several times during our visits there we find ourselves on elevators or in the cafeteria with tearful parents and grandparents who are facing difficult days. I would imagine in the presence of their children they do their best to remain composed and positive.  But once they step out of that room those tears come.  

I remember when I was pregnant with my first child, I worried that she would be born healthy.  And she was.  We all have hopes and dreams for our children's lives.  We dream of all we want them to experience and accomplish in their lives.  

And for so many parents those dreams and hopes can be threatened to be snuffed out with an unexpected and unwanted diagnosis.  In the blink of an eye everything can change.  So there comes a time when our hopes and dreams need to be tweaked to fit the circumstances.  We cannot give up when we have others depending on us for strength.  We must always, always, have hope.  And we must pass along that hope and encouragement to our children.  
When we look outside of our own circumstances and troubles, we can very often see that our burdens pale in comparison to those of others.  We have been given a very special opportunity to be able to pray for others.  I would encourage you today to pray for children and their families who are facing life and death situations.  Pray for comfort, for peace, and hope!  

I'm not trying to make light of the circumstances each of us face.  We too, who have experienced loss, find that the dreams we had for our future may need to be adjusted.  We are still here for a reason and purpose.  It is up to us to find it.  I pray you have a blessed weekend.  Never give up hope and you will see the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings Friends!
Betsy

I Have Lost My Mind

So much of my inspiration comes from my children.  If any of you are old enough to remember the Art Linkletter show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things," then you can appreciate daily life at my house.  With six kids ages 5 through 11, it can be quite entertaining at times.  

I asked my son, who started Kindergarten this year what he learned yesterday. And he began to share with me more than a  few things.  I told him how smart he was and he replied, "My head is just full of my mind." (Haha)

About a week ago, he came up to me in the kitchen where I was working, and he had something in his hands (I don't remember what) and he said, "Mom, since you have lost all of your mind, I am going to do this for you."  I wasn't sure I heard him right, so I asked him to repeat it.  Sure enough, I had heard correctly.  So, I asked him, "so, mommy's lost her mind?"  And he answered in the affirmative.  So I thanked him profusely for taking care of mommy since her mind was missing. (Smiling)

At this stage in my grief, I can say that most of my missing mind can be blamed on a crazy hectic schedule, but occasionally grief will hit me and for a short time, my mind is preoccupied.

Early in the grief process we may have all our brains intact, but our mind becomes so overwhelmed with so many rapid firing thoughts that our mind in order to save itself from complete overload, shuts down for a period of time. And that is, I believe, perfectly normal.  That is why, as I've posted earlier, that I believe some decision that don't have to be made immediately should just be put on the back burner until we can think clearly. And that time will come.  Try to be patient!  

For now, I am going to look for my mind and see if I can find it.  I have a lot of things I want to accomplish today, and I need my mind to be able to get them all done.  Now, if I were 5, where would I hide my mom's mind?  

Have a wonderful day friend, and keep looking for the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

                              Now, where did I put it??

Make Today Worth Remembering

I'm back to the real world after my brief but much needed R&R and Mom and Armund's B&B.  Reality set in the minute I walked in the door.  "Mom, can we go to the town pool? Mom, can you help me with this word puzzle? Mom??"
Yep, I'm home.  Six children who depend on me everyday to meet their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs."  

It is a hectic life we lead, but in spite of the craziness of it all there are so many joys to be found.  It would be very easy to get wrapped up in the craziness and miss out completely on the precious moments that come each day.  These precious moments are what keep me going.  That, and knowing that my strength and help does not come from me alone, but from the Lord who walks beside me every step of the way.  

We are all faced with craziness in our world.  Maybe yours doesn't come from six children, maybe it comes from a job that is exceedingly stressful, or a family or work relationship that you have struggled over, maybe a medical condition in which there seems to be no relief in sight.  When you take any one of of these things and add grief into the mix it can make for some very "heavy" days.  

You are not alone.  Others have been and are where you are.  No experience is exactly the same, nor the way we deal with it.  But, for me, the presence of my Savior keeps me from drowning on those especially difficult days.  He was able to walk on water, and rise from the dead.  He's certainly able to keep me on solid footing.  

Remember, we don't need to start chewing on tomorrow and the next day and the next week, or six months down the road.  We just need to focus on today, making the most of it.  God was in our yesterday, He is in our today, and He is already working in our tomorrow!  Keep your eyes focused on Him, and you will see the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll be left with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays.  I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering.

Weeds aka Crab Grass

I am in Poplar Bluff for a few days of rest and relaxation.  I'm taking a much needed break.  Poplar Bluff is "home" to me.  My mom and step-dad still live here and they provide a great "bed and breakfast" for me from time to time. 

This is also where my daddy and my son are buried together. They are buried in the Veterans section of City Cemetery.  As I shared in an earlier post, my son wanted to be buried with his "Pa" so some of his ashes were placed in an urn and buried at my daddy's feet.  There are two markers there. One for daddy at the head of the grave showing his service in WWII and one at the foot of the grave for George's service in Operation Enduring Freedom.  I went to visit them today around dusk.

Since George's death, I have had a florist make matching pieces every few months to place above their markers.  When I drove up and got out of the van to say "hi" to my two favorite Georges, I noticed that their flowers were gone.  And their flags were gone.  It made me sad to see nothing there except two tiny very worn out flags that had come off of the flower arrangements.  Someone had tried to stick them in the ground above the markers.  And as I got closer I noticed that the mowers had slung grass on top of the markers, and weeds, aka crab grass, were beginning to creep up on the edges of the markers. 

I had an ache in my heart to see not only the flowers gone, but for some reason, today, that crab grass really bothered me.  I had a vision of it overtaking their markers and covering them completely until I would never be able to see them again.  And I felt as if that crab grass was choking the breath out of me. 

I've had time to contemplate all of this for several hours now and here is what has come to mind.  It is amazing how quickly weeds can overtake things.  My mom and step-dad had been out just a few weeks earlier to visit the grave and everything was in good condition, the flowers were still there and the markers were clean.  In those few short weeks since their visit, the flowers had disappeared, the markers had collected some debris and the weeds had begun their attempt to swallow up anything in their way.

A good gardener takes care daily to pull out any weeds that could become a threat to their plants. Could it be, that in our grieving process and in our lives in general, we need to attempt daily to pull out any weeds, aka crab grass, aka negative thoughts that could overtake and swallow us up?  Just like weeds can quickly overtake a beautiful garden, our "weeds" such as fear, anger, bitterness, unresolved guilt, etc., can quickly choke out the beautiful life that God wants us to have here and now even in the midst of whatever struggles we may be having.  It is definitely something I personally need to keep a close watch on.

And, I have work to do.  I am arming myself with a whisk broom, some new flags, and some garden clippers to clean up around two markers. And of course I need to get some new flowers ordered.  I think I will order an autumn arrangements filled with brilliant and happy colors.  Keep moving forward on your journey, and you will find,

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy                                 

 

Wildflowers

Today was the first day since the kids have been back to school that I have gotten to take my morning walk!  Yippee for me!!!  Living out in the country is such a joy for me.  I love nature and I love to watch the seasons changing. For those of you who are summer fanatics, I hate to inform you, but fall is coming!  

I love fall.  I can't complain about this summer too much because all in all it has been pretty pleasant.  I don't like hot weather.  Plain and simple.  But fall, I really enjoy.  The kids go back to school, high school football gets underway, the leaves start to change. And of course, it is time for bonfires and s'mores, and for watching the leaves change into a beautiful collage for our enjoyment. And here, they should be a masterpiece since we have had an abundance of rain!  I love the nip in the air. It's almost time for popcorn and cocoa with too much whipped cream on it.   I get excited just thinking about it!


I snapped a few shots of the last remaining wildflowers while I was walking today.  Before long they will go to sleep for the cold winter and awaken in the spring and summer to show us their beauty again.  

I think maybe grief is like this.  We go into a cold dark winter for a time.  But when we are patient and allow time and God to do their work in us, we will eventually feel ourselves emerging into the light, a little at a time.  And suddenly not really understanding how it happened, we burst forth clothed in beauty that we never knew existed in us. We cannot go through grief without dying a little, but our roots remain.  God is good and He will tenderly care for us in the winter's cold.  Let Him embrace you today and watch what He will do with you in the days and months, and years ahead. Always remember, there is

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

They will be back - so will you!  

One Minute At A Time

Well, my children are officially back in school.  They started on Thursday of last week.  However, the days prior to were somewhat chaotic.  And just when I thought things would settle down for a bit, they decided to get crazy again.

Add to that a toothache.  I have never had a toothache before that I can recall.  I've had sensitive teeth but not a toothache.  Started hurting off and on Wednesday and by Thursday evening it was really hurting.  Called the dentist. They put me on antibiotic, pain medication, and on their waiting list. I have no idea how long that list is.  I hope it isn't too long because this now dull ache is starting to get on my nerves.  Literally.

This week is going to be packed with craziness.  Maybe I was dreaming when I thought I was going to get to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee without any interruptions once the kids started back to school.  And that morning walk I've wanted to start taking - just me and God, enjoying one another's company and His creation, well I sure hope I'll be able to get that started fairly soon.

I could certainly get overwhelmed with all the craziness.  But what good would that do me? These are the times when I have to constantly remind myself to just take one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. God is in today and He's already in tomorrow and the next day and the day after that working things out.  I just need to stay out of His way, and do what I know He wants me to do right now.  It's a lot less complicated that way.

I hope that you take time to really enjoy some special moments in your day. And keep in mind that no matter how crazy and cloudy your day may seem, there is always, 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy 

School Days

I've been super busy getting my six little minions ready for school.  That's a lot of registration papers to fill out and a lot of supplies to buy! And a lot of open houses to get to. A lot of shoes and clothes to buy -  of course everyone grew by leaps and bounds during the summer months.  

School begins tomorrow and I am super excited!  I'm looking forward to getting a lot of projects done that have had to be put on hold over the summer months because we've been busy making memories.  

And I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who devote your time to my children, from bus drivers, to teachers, cooks, teacher aides, custodians, secretaries, nurses, counselors, librarians, music instructors, computer lab instructors, coaches, principals, and on and on it goes. Together, we work together for a wonderful future for "our" children.  I wish all of you a beautiful year.

Children can wear us out sometimes, but they can also keep us young at heart - they can bring light to an otherwise dreary day.  Really take time to not just listen to, but really "hear" a child today and you may just see some 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

Who's Got Your Back?

My son's death has affected me in more ways than I could possibly imagine. I am not the same person I was before he died.  And many things have transpired during the past three years that have turned my world upside down. I am at a time in my life when changes and challenges are coming at me from every direction. 

I've always been the kind of person who has believed I could do pretty much anything I set my mind to.  I've always been the kind of person who likes to have all her ducks in a row.  And I've always been prepared with Plan B and Plan C if Plan A fails.  

Yes, I've always liked to be in control of my life.  I know I can't control other people.  All I can do is take care of me.  However after several huge disappointments and great losses, I've realized that at some point I began to depend on my own abilities and other people too much for my needs. 

Problem?  I was not depending on God enough.  I think we forget sometimes that he cares about every big and tiny detail of our life.  We say we know it, but we don't really appreciate it, until we have no choice but to live it!  And in so doing, realize that He, and He alone is our provider.  

I have found myself in a position where I have no choice but to move aside and let Him work in my life.  I have no choice but to trust HIM for my daily needs.  And I must say, it has been absolutely amazing to watch Him each day take care of me and the children in some really unexpected ways.  And what a privilege and joy it is to share these daily blessings of God's provisions with my children.  They are learning invaluable lessons.  

I have many challenges in the days, weeks, and months, ahead.  But I am learning to take one day at a time.  In doing so, it frees me of the worries associated with tomorrow so I can spend more time enjoying the blessings of today.

Jesus was preaching to the crowds and asked, "Will all your worries add a single moment to your life?"  Matt 6:27 (TLB)  No, they will rob us of the joy of living today.  He also said, " So don't be anxious about tomorrow.  God will take care of your tomorrow too.  Live one day at a time."  Matt 6:34 (TLB)  

How about you?  Are you trusting Him fully for your needs one day at a time?   Keep looking across the skies to find the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

The Blame Game

Well now, let's talk about the "Blame Game."  It has been around since the beginning of time.  Remember the account of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, with the Serpent (Satan)?  Yep, that sneaky snake managed to convince Eve that God was just messin' with them when he told them not to eat the fruit from the tree in the center of the garden.  And we all know what happened next.  Eve ate the fruit, she convinced Adam to eat the fruit and they got caught with their "pants down."  And here begins the first "blame game."  Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent.  And they had to pay dearly for the consequences of their decision.  If they had listened to God they would have had it made in the shade for eternity.  

Side note.  We've all heard the saying "made in the shade."  I'm always curious.  So I took time to look up the origin.  One source said there used to be an old saying about lemonade, "Made in the shade, stirred with a spade and good enough for any old maid."  I thought I would throw that one in for free.  (Smiling)

Oh! By the way, all of this could have been avoided if Adam and Eve would have had a hoe in the garden.  All good gardeners have a hoe ready.  Had I been Eve the serpent would not have hung around long enough to speak.  Just sayin' - I don't care much for snakes. I know there are good ones to have around the garden.  I just don't want to play inspector long enough to find out if it the good kind or not.  I know some of you are probably snake lovers, so don't hate me.  And I'm just messin' around with you a little bit.  I know they had no need of a hoe in the Garden of Eden.  But they were sure going to need one after the choices they made.  Their choices didn't affect just them, but all of mankind. 

We can really get ourselves in some messes, can't we?  And so often, when we finally figure out we're in one, we decide to play the "blame game."  Why do we find it so necessary to blame our situation or problems on someone else?  I'm not sure, but I'm guessing pride, ego, and selfishness would be at the top of the list of reasons. And how do we get ourselves into these messes?  Oh wait, maybe pride, ego, and selfishness are at the top of that list too.  I'm sure there are lots of other reasons as well.  I think there are times we find ourselves in messes that we really didn't see coming.  But I think quite often, we just make decisions without taking adequate time to think them through and bathe them in prayer, or we make a decision thinking no one will find out, or thinking that our choice isn't going to affect anyone else.  But we know from Adam and Eve's experience that just isn't so.  

I think maybe instead of playing the "blame game" we need to just get real about it.  If we are guilty of getting ourselves in a mess we just need to admit our role in it and then take responsibility for cleaning it up the best we can.  If we have hurt or offended someone we need to ask forgiveness.  God gives us freedom to make our own decisions.  But He does not free us from the consequences of them.  

I've already shared in an earlier post of the danger of making big decisions when we are going through the grieving process.  We just aren't capable of making the best decisions when we've just experienced a significant loss. There will be a time when we are ready to begin making decisions again, and when that time comes I think it is important that we follow some good advice, "If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you, for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him..." James 1:5 (TLB).

For you, my friend, I pray that you have a really good day, with light peeking through any clouds that may be in your sky.  Remember, there is

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."  Thomas Jefferson

Impossible Tasks and Heavy Burdens

The first anniversary of George's death was a busy time.  If you read one of my earliest posts, you will recall that a scholarship fund had been set up to benefit a male and female graduating senior who would be continuing their education.  So there was much to do.  I prepared scholarship applications to get into the hands of the school administrators for distribution to students, designed letterhead and certificates. And then of course it was necessary to read through all the applications and help determine who should receive the scholarships.  And then actually participate in the awards ceremony.

I wasn't prepared for the emotions that would come with with doing these tasks.  I remember sitting at the computer while designing the letterhead and being struck with the harsh reality of it all.  There was just such a finality about it. It almost felt like I was signing his death certificate.  I was having another one of those "bolt and run" moments in my mind.

I remember speaking at the awards banquet and looking out over these kids who had loved "Coach" so much.  Only by the grace of God, was I able to stand before them and offer what I prayed were words of encouragement and hope for their future endeavors and remind them how much "Coach" loved them.  

I am continually amazed at the strength that God gives us for tasks that just seem impossible, or burdens that just seem to great to carry.  Even though I will not in this lifetime understand all of His ways, I can say, that He has never failed me yet.  He is constantly surrounding me with his love.  "Yes, he alone is my Rock, my rescuer, defense and fortress.  Why then should I be tense with fear when troubles come?  My protection and success come from God alone."  Psalm 61:2;7 (TLB).

If I could offer you a word of encouragement today, it would be, "O my people, trust him all the time.  Pour out your longings before him, for he can help!" Psalm 61:8 (TLB).  We had a nasty storm last night, but today, the sun broke through.  Maybe you are going through a nasty storm right now, keep on going, because the sun will break through for you too.  There is

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings

Betsy

Ramsey's Store - Reminiscing...

I took a walk down memory lane today.  Through this blog, I was able to connect with a classmate of mine from back in the day.  And it was so much fun to find out that we shared some of the same memories of days gone by and that we frequented the same old store in a sweet little old town called Harviell, Missouri.  And I was able to share some photos (thanks to my former classmate) with my cousins today that brought back sweet memories for all of us.

My friend shared some photos that he had of this little store - a placed loved by all kids around the Harviell area.  My grandparents, some uncles, aunts, and cousins lived in the Harviell and Neelyville area.  When those of us who didn't live in the area would visit grandma and grandpa or go camping down on Cane Creek, we would find ourselves frequenting Ramsey's Store.

Ramsey's Store Mrs. Ramsey and Her Mother Behind the Counter circa 1950s
Special Thanks to Randy Desgranges for Photo

My cousins and I would walk from grandma's house or ride our bikes to Mrs. Ramsey's place.  It was just such a fun place to go for candy.  I remember walking on the old wooden floors - for some reason I thought that was super neat.  And she had her candy in big glass jars.  It was just like something from the television show, "The Walton's."  We always felt good when we left that store.  And it wasn't just a sugar high (smiling).  There was just something special about it.

Sadly, Ramsey's Store is no longer there.  But it remains alive in the photographs and the memories of the countless people who frequented it.
Not unlike our loved ones who have passed.  People come into our lives at different times, in different ways, for different reasons.  Parents, spouses, children, close friends and family members pass on.  But for the time they were with us, they brought something special into our lives.  We can look at photographs and be reminded of wonderful times we once shared.  We can be reminded of things they would say or do that just always made us feel good. 
Don't be afraid to reminisce with others about your loved one.  It can help soothe your soul and maybe someone else's too!  

Remember my friends, there is 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

Ramsey's Store
Special Thanks To Randy Desgranges for Photo and the Memories!

Got Guilt?

I love watching the television shows NCIS and Criminal Minds.  Even though Criminal Minds can get a bit "dark" for my taste sometimes, I still enjoy watching the investigations unfold and finding out who is guilty of committing the crime.  Often times, the criminal feels no remorse or guilt.

Feelings of guilt or remorse are common to most of us.  And I believe that when we lose a loved one, guilt can become a roadblock that keeps us from moving forward in the grief process.  

Wikipedia defines guilt (the emotion) as "a cognitive or an emotional 
experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation."   

When a loved one dies, our life spirals out of control for a time.  And we often ask the question "why."   And in trying to find the answer to that question perhaps we wonder if the fault is ours, if somehow we were to blame.  I think it is probably natural for us to wonder if there was anything we could have done differently or should have done differently. We may struggle with past difficulties in the relationship, words we should have said but didn't or words we did say that we wish we could take back.  I know that sometimes a therapist or counselor will recommend writing a letter to your loved one and telling them everything that's on your heart.  And sometimes they recommend that you use the empty chair approach. (You pretend your loved one is in it, and you share your heart out loud with them.)  

I think there is another type of guilt that keeps us from moving forward in our grieving process.  I think for me personally, as a mother, I felt that if I moved forward it meant that somehow I would be leaving George behind, or that if I started to find joy in the midst of my storm he would think I was starting to forget him and I didn't want to make him sad.  May sound crazy to some of you and not so crazy to others.  Looking back, three years after his death, I can see that he would not have wanted me to stop living.  He would not have wanted me to feel guilty about moving forward.  When George was here, he was FULL of life. He would want the same for me.  If George is able to look down on me from his Heavenly home, I want him to see me enjoying a happy and productive life.

Sometimes friends, we must let go in order to move forward.  It doesn't mean the grieving stops, I'm not sure it ever does. We will always have a part of our heart missing.  But when we are able to let some joy back into our lives, we begin to slowly and steadily begin to live again.  And I think perhaps we need to think about our current relationships or past relationships.  Are there things we need to say now, while we still have the time?  Find something you can smile about today and you will begin to feel the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

A Full Life

I have found that blogging about my experiences of grieving the loss of my son has been very therapeutic for me.  But I never expected to received such a blessing from sharing my experiences with you and hearing your comments.

None of us are exempt from grief.  It touches us all in various forms throughout our earthly lives.  And sometimes we don't get much time to grieve one loss before another one comes all too quickly.  

The burden can be so hard to bear alone.  How blessed we are if we have someone who can walk beside us during those times with patience, tenderness, kindness, understanding and love in abundance.  

The Bible tells us that there is nothing that we experience that Jesus himself has not experienced.  And He is there, even in the times when our grief takes us into a deep, dark place.  He is the light that guides our way out.  If we are His child He is NEVER going to let go of our hand.  

Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  (John 10:10b NIV) He just has so many good things in store for us.  I wonder if we are spending our lives enjoying the the full life he died to give us.  That full life is not in the accumulation of things or selfishly doing things to please ourselves.  It is in loving Him, loving others, investing our time in healthy relationships with others.  (Beware of the toxic ones!)  It is in giving of ourselves to others without expecting anything in return that we experience that "full" life that He wants us to have.  

You don't have to take the journey of grief by yourself.  He is there for you, waiting with open arms.  Will you run into them?  He is the light that ensures there is

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

Slip Slidin' Away

Today was a busy day.  Loaded up the kids and headed to PB for an appointment.  Then a quick lunch with mom.  Loaded up kids and headed back to Fredericktown to pick up sick dog to take to vet.  Came back home, unloaded kids, had about 30 minutes to catch my breath, then loaded kids back up to head to Farmington to the Water Park.  

Now, I am not a swimmer.  It's not that I don't necessarily want to be, but I don't like water up my nose or in my eyes, and I have never been able to float - I just sink to the bottom.  I know, I know, I know, I just need to relax.  Uh, well, I've tried that and I can't quite get there.  So, I got on the inner-tube and floated around Lazy River, or whatever it was called.  That was relaxing for the most part and non threatening because the water was not over my head at any point.  I would have preferred to have been there by myself and not have people bumping into me, but it was for the most part enjoyable.  The kids and I went around two times then they had other things in mind.

Let me say again, in case you missed it the first time.  I don't like water rushing up my nose and I don't like it in my eyes.  Well, the water park has two slides side by side, a green one that is completely enclosed.  (Did I mention that I'm a bit claustrophobic?) And the other is pink.  It is not enclosed and is supposed to be the kinder of the two.  My children wanted to take on the water slides next.  Yes, they did.  And I stood and watched people coming off of the two slides and down into the water.  The water wasn't deep where the slides spew people out.  It was quite interesting to watch because some people went completely under water and came back up and some went in without going under the water.  

As I stood there with one of my six wonders of the world, I was reminded of my recent post on fear.  Sooooooo, I decided that I surely could handle the more gentle pink side.  I pretty much convinced myself that if I positioned my body just right I would be able to just gently plop into the water with my head remaining above.  So I climbed the stairs with all my little dear ones. Four took the green side. Three of us took the pink side. (I was in the pink line.)  The line was not moving as slowly as I would have preferred as I was in no hurry. I needed as much time as I could get to calculate my body position. I felt like I was in the movie, The Green Mile.  Yes I did, "walking the green mile, getting right with Jesus........"  I could not show fear however, in front of my children, right?  

Before I was completely emotionally prepared, it was our turn.  My little brave one thought it would be wonderful fun for the two of us to go down together. So, with a deep breath and a long sigh, I sat down with my legs around her. And before I could even begin to count, the water engulfed our legs and off we went.  I'm not sure how many times I said it , and I'm not sure how loudly I said it, but I'm pretty sure is was in rapid succession, "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!"  My little traveling companion thought that was hysterically funny.  I was being slung from side to side and fear began to surface when I realized that I was going to have absolutely NO CHANCE of positioning my body just right to make a head above the water landing. What had I been thinking?? Well that slide just spit us after what seemed like a 5K run of whirling and twirling right into the pool and I was submerged. Yep, all the way under, water up the nose, water in the eyes, but fortunately we popped up and I had survived to tell about it.  

You may be asking, "what does this have to do with grief?"  Probably absolutely nothing.  But I really needed to get that off my chest so I hopefully won't replay it in my dreams tonight!   Thanks for letting me share!  But hey, I faced a fear, and I am proud of that.  Do I want to do it again?  Well, NO, not for a while anyway.

Have you faced a fear today?  I like the quote I've shared below.  Definitely something to think about.  I hope you are beginning to see some light every now and then on your journey.  Don't you forget that there is

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy