Barriers and Open Wounds

Our church is going through a sermon series entitled "Barriers."  It is an excellent series, however on the first Sunday of the series a brief video was shown in which you had a driver's view of traveling down the road with road barriers on the side of the road.

Immediately painful memories of my sons death flashed at a constant rate through my mind.  I didn't see him die, but I have eye witness accounts of how his body was thrown from his motorcycle into barriers that literally cut him into pieces.  As I was watching this video, the voice in my head was screaming, "they didn't protect my son, they killed him."  Over and over I imagined his precious body going through those barriers.

The sermon series is designed to help us understand that barriers are there for our protection.  God has designed barriers to keep us from moving beyond those barriers into troubles that can destroy our lives and/or those of others.

Although I fully agree with the concept of the sermon series, all I could see was my boy - flying through that cable barrier ending his life.  Everyone tells me that his death was instant.  But I will always wonder what his last thoughts were, or did it happen so fast that he didn't have any last thoughts other than trying to get his motorcycle back on the road.  

It's been three years since his death and I continue to be amazed how those triggers are still out there ready to reopen the wounds of my heart in a split second.  And with these wounds reopened, a series of emotions threaten to overwhelm me and send me spiraling into days of sadness and yes, even some depression.  

And in the midst of this, life must go on.  My other children must be cared for, Appointments to keep, parent teacher conferences, dental appointments, doctor appointments, birthday parties.  Life doesn't stop just because my wounds have been reopened.  But, sometimes, I wish i could get off the insanity treadmill and rest, just rest quietly, alone for a week or two.  

For those of you who have experienced deep loss, I'm sure you understand what I am talking about.  For days like these it is good to have a barrier, a Savior in whose arms we can rest, safe and secure knowing He will carry and sustain us during these troubling times.  Trusting in Him can prevent us from going over the edge.

Even though there are still cloudy and stormy days, I still believe and have seen that there is,

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

What Kind of Leaves Are Falling From Your Tree?

It has been many days since I have made a post.  I have been walking through some valleys lately and have been upheld by God's gracious hand.  I have been focused on working through many things and that has used up much of my energy and thoughts.

This past weekend, I took my children to one of our favorite places, Elephant Rocks State Park.  It is simply a beautiful place to go, and it is only about 40 minutes from our home.  I was encouraged to see that the trees have begun to change colors.  God is turning them in to a masterpiece.  Pictures simply do not do them justice.  

And very fittingly, the devotional reading the children and I read together last night talked about leaves changing colors in the fall.  In the summer months, trees produce chlorophyll, which makes the leaves green.  Then as the days get shorter, other chemicals take over, which results in the brilliant colors of fall.  As the days get shorter, the stems get weak and the leaves finally break off and fall to the ground.  

We are much like the trees.  We start out with bright, shiny, and strong green leaves and over time, experience colors the leaves of our lives.  These leaves are colored by good experiences and bad.  Some of our leaves are colored by the things we do in this world for others that hopefully make a positive impact on their lives. Those are the brightly colored leaves. Oak leaves aka bad experiences just seem to turn from green to brown and want to hang on to the tree for as long as they can. Those are the ones that we can either learn lessons from and move forward on our journey or we can let them stay attached to us and drag us down. But we have to make that conscious choice to realize that their time has been spent.

When we leave this life and move on to eternity, our leaves fall, and are left here for others to rake up.  Some of our leaves may be raked up and discarded or be blown away by the winds of life.  BUT, some, hopefully the most beautiful leaves of our life are picked up by those who loved us deeply, and pressed not into a book, but forever into their hearts.  

My son, George, left many leaves of his life behind.  Some of those leaves have had to be blown away by the winds.  I and others who loved him, have picked up many brilliantly colored leaves that left a mark on us and have pressed them into our heart as a reminder of wonder times and days with him. 

It makes me wonder what kind of leaves I am leaving for others. Am I making a difference in the people around me that will make a lasting and colorful impression on their heart for eternity?  

Remember my friends, there is,

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

What Kind Of Leaves Are Falling From Your Tree?