Long Time, No See!

It has been some time since I have written, hasn't it?  My life has been crazier than usual over the past few months.  Many decisions and choices have had to be made.  Lots of paperwork, and endless tasks. 

I was separated from October 2012 until November 15, 2013 at which time my divorce became final.  During that year I gained and am continuing to gain an appreciation for single moms that I would never have gained otherwise. Caring for six school age children on my own with virtually no family living close by, has been a challenge, to say the least.  Many is the time over the past year that I have longed for lots of siblings of my own who lived close by who could lend a hand or give me some respite from time to time.  So here is a shout out to all single moms out there!  And here is a challenge to those of you who may know of a single mom who could use a day off or even a weekend - Maybe a coupon for free babysitting for a day or weekend would be a good Christmas gift for someone you know!

Now, on another subject that I know everyone deals with this time of year.... the struggles of keeping your joy while struggling with bouts of depression that come from missing loved ones who should be with you.  Whether they are absent because they have passed away, or whether from an estranged relationship, or even being separated by a physical distance.  It's tough. There is no question about it. 

There was a time when decorating the tree and our home was so much fun. And I used to bake at least a dozen different varieties of candies and cookies. Now it takes me days to get the tree and house decorated and baking seems to be more of a chore than something pleasurable.  These things that used to bring me so much pleasure - where is that pleasure now?  

Oh, don't get me wrong, I get the decorating done - I still have children at home who very much enjoy it and need those memories.  I do some baking - not as much as I used to, but enough that the children get to enjoy helping out.  I want them to have good memories of the holidays.  And honestly, seeing Christmas through the eyes of children helps to lift my spirits.

And then, when I start feeling too sorry for myself and who and what I'm missing - the Holy Spirit nudges me ever so gently to remember the true meaning of Christmas.  And I look at the nativity scene and I think.  And I remember the most wonderful gift ever given, the gift of God's Son, Jesus. Without this gift we would not have the hope of seeing our loved ones again. 

And suddenly I can hear the angels singing, and my spirits lift and the joy of the Lord wells up within me and I must sing with the angels, "Joy to the World!" and I thank God for the Joy in my world!  In spite of all the hardships, trials, failures, hurts, I am Blessed!  Not just a little, but abundantly! 

I pray that you, my friends have a glorious, joy-filled Christmas and that you will take time to see, feel, and be thankful for your blessings!  And please, don't ever stop looking up - you will see the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings....
Betsy 

• 

Barriers and Open Wounds

Our church is going through a sermon series entitled "Barriers."  It is an excellent series, however on the first Sunday of the series a brief video was shown in which you had a driver's view of traveling down the road with road barriers on the side of the road.

Immediately painful memories of my sons death flashed at a constant rate through my mind.  I didn't see him die, but I have eye witness accounts of how his body was thrown from his motorcycle into barriers that literally cut him into pieces.  As I was watching this video, the voice in my head was screaming, "they didn't protect my son, they killed him."  Over and over I imagined his precious body going through those barriers.

The sermon series is designed to help us understand that barriers are there for our protection.  God has designed barriers to keep us from moving beyond those barriers into troubles that can destroy our lives and/or those of others.

Although I fully agree with the concept of the sermon series, all I could see was my boy - flying through that cable barrier ending his life.  Everyone tells me that his death was instant.  But I will always wonder what his last thoughts were, or did it happen so fast that he didn't have any last thoughts other than trying to get his motorcycle back on the road.  

It's been three years since his death and I continue to be amazed how those triggers are still out there ready to reopen the wounds of my heart in a split second.  And with these wounds reopened, a series of emotions threaten to overwhelm me and send me spiraling into days of sadness and yes, even some depression.  

And in the midst of this, life must go on.  My other children must be cared for, Appointments to keep, parent teacher conferences, dental appointments, doctor appointments, birthday parties.  Life doesn't stop just because my wounds have been reopened.  But, sometimes, I wish i could get off the insanity treadmill and rest, just rest quietly, alone for a week or two.  

For those of you who have experienced deep loss, I'm sure you understand what I am talking about.  For days like these it is good to have a barrier, a Savior in whose arms we can rest, safe and secure knowing He will carry and sustain us during these troubling times.  Trusting in Him can prevent us from going over the edge.

Even though there are still cloudy and stormy days, I still believe and have seen that there is,

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

What Kind of Leaves Are Falling From Your Tree?

It has been many days since I have made a post.  I have been walking through some valleys lately and have been upheld by God's gracious hand.  I have been focused on working through many things and that has used up much of my energy and thoughts.

This past weekend, I took my children to one of our favorite places, Elephant Rocks State Park.  It is simply a beautiful place to go, and it is only about 40 minutes from our home.  I was encouraged to see that the trees have begun to change colors.  God is turning them in to a masterpiece.  Pictures simply do not do them justice.  

And very fittingly, the devotional reading the children and I read together last night talked about leaves changing colors in the fall.  In the summer months, trees produce chlorophyll, which makes the leaves green.  Then as the days get shorter, other chemicals take over, which results in the brilliant colors of fall.  As the days get shorter, the stems get weak and the leaves finally break off and fall to the ground.  

We are much like the trees.  We start out with bright, shiny, and strong green leaves and over time, experience colors the leaves of our lives.  These leaves are colored by good experiences and bad.  Some of our leaves are colored by the things we do in this world for others that hopefully make a positive impact on their lives. Those are the brightly colored leaves. Oak leaves aka bad experiences just seem to turn from green to brown and want to hang on to the tree for as long as they can. Those are the ones that we can either learn lessons from and move forward on our journey or we can let them stay attached to us and drag us down. But we have to make that conscious choice to realize that their time has been spent.

When we leave this life and move on to eternity, our leaves fall, and are left here for others to rake up.  Some of our leaves may be raked up and discarded or be blown away by the winds of life.  BUT, some, hopefully the most beautiful leaves of our life are picked up by those who loved us deeply, and pressed not into a book, but forever into their hearts.  

My son, George, left many leaves of his life behind.  Some of those leaves have had to be blown away by the winds.  I and others who loved him, have picked up many brilliantly colored leaves that left a mark on us and have pressed them into our heart as a reminder of wonder times and days with him. 

It makes me wonder what kind of leaves I am leaving for others. Am I making a difference in the people around me that will make a lasting and colorful impression on their heart for eternity?  

Remember my friends, there is,

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

What Kind Of Leaves Are Falling From Your Tree?

Spinning Out of Control

Warning!  You may want to take a Dramamine before viewing this important video that goes along with today's post.  This is my youngest son, Micah, age five, enjoying himself very, very much!

I love this boy.  He is so full of life and energy and energy and energy!  This video was one of the six times he did this one time right after the next  He was having so much fun.  It was on his last time, that he said while spinning, "mom, what happens if you puke when you are swinging?"  Thankfully we didn't have to find out.  I could never do 

Those of us who have experienced deep loss, probably know very well that feeling of spinning out of control, sometimes things speed up, then slow down only to speed up again.   It is in many ways similar I imagine to Micah having wound him self up so tightly that his feet were barely touching the ground. And if we lift our feet off the ground for a split second the spinning begins and we are never sure if we will survive the spinning, we are never sure if it will stop, we are never sure if our feet will every be on solid ground again. And honestly it can leave us literally feeling dizzy and nauseated at times.  

And sometimes we face difficulties in life unrelated to the death of a loved one that can leave us feeling as if our lives are spinning out of control.  You see, Satan loves to hit us hard, and keep us spinning.  He is out to destroy us.  Period.  Oh, and believe me, he knows every trick in the book to create in us doubt, fear, anger, frustration, low self esteem, hatred, envy, pride, and the list goes on.  

You see, I was standing close by to Micah.  If the spinning became too much for him, I was right there to stop the swing from spinning.  And, just as I was there for Micah, we have a Heavenly Father who is standing close by us.  He is ready to help steady us, and hold us safe and secure.  Micah trusted with the faith of a child that Momma would be there for him.  And you and I must practice that child-like faith trusting that Jesus is there for us.  Jesus Himself was tempted by Satan.  You can read about it in Matthew 4.  He knows what it is like.  Who better to stand by us in times of trouble?  Just hold on to the rope - Jesus is on the other end!  

Always keep expecting to see the 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

Put Down Your Umbrella!

Being under a severe weather warning can be pretty scary.  Growing up, we were fortunate to have a basement we could go to when the weather got nasty. It brought us enough comfort to wait until the storm passed over and we could go back upstairs. 

Many times after a severe storm passes, we are left with a good steady rain. What are the benefits of rain?  Here are some answers you may not have thought of that I found on Answers.com

What 15 benefits does rain provide?

Answer:
1) It puts moisture in the air
2) It helps with droughts
3) It fills streams
4) It washes away dirt from plants
5) It provides a drink for every living thing
6) It cools the temperature if it's hot
7) It washes cars for free
8) It continues with the beneficial water cycle
9) It aids the poor in collecting water
10) It saves money from buying bottled water
11) It can cause a rainbow to show up
12) It cleans roads with oil marks
13) It assists worms to move around the soil which aerates the ground
14) It can erode soil to form mountains
15) It can make certain insects and animals come out of hiding, like a snail which provides food for birds

If we are living and breathing, we are going to be hit by storms in our life that make us feel as if we are in the middle of a hurricane or tornado for quite some time.  But after time, and how much time just depends on each individual and the circumstances surrounding their loss, we begin to experience a steady rain that can provide us with many emotional benefits.

It begins to wash away much of the dirt that has collected in our mind and soul during the storm.  It begins to cool, take the severe sting out of our hurt. Oh that hurt will always be there, but that rain cools it to a bearable temperature.  It helps aerates our heart, and puts moisture in our soul so we can begin feeling alive again.  Over time, it erodes our the walls of protection we have built up to make us stand tall again, like a mountain, and it helps us to come out of hiding and provide food, aka, support for others who are struggling with a storm of their own.  

I would encourage myself and you, to welcome the rain that comes after the storm.  Allow it to do its work in us to bring us to greater heights so that we can see the rainbow that often comes with it!  Put down the umbrella and let the rain soak in and cleanse!  

Remember my traveling companion, keep looking for the 

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings!

Betsy

The MRS and MMS Syndromes

Those of you have been following my blog know that I am a mom with six children still at home.  The oldest just turned 12, then I have one almost 11, one 9, two 8, and one 5.

I love my children, but honestly, they have a problem.  They suffer from MRS aka Messy Room Syndrome.  I have tried every approach, every trick in the book, to try to get them to keep their rooms at least half way clean.  They may have inherited this from me since Itoo suffered from this childhood illness.

Each bedroom has a laundry basket to make things much easier, right? Wrong. For some reason, as close and as handy as the laundry basket is, they still just drop their dirty clothes where they take them off.  

Each room has a place for everything which makes putting things away easier, right?  Wrong.  For some reason, it is so much easier to leave things where they were last used or to shove them under the bed only to have to literally dig them out later.  

Two of the rooms have a desk for studying at, right?  Wrong.  They are used for the piling on of the strangest assortment of "prized possessions."  If a chair was not underneath it, one would not know there was a desk there.  It would just look like stuff suspended in mid air.  Oh, and I won't even talk about the collection under the desk.   

Now, here is what is interesting.  When my children get a dose of medicine for their MRS, and they are able to effectively clean their rooms, they suddenly enjoy spending more time in them, they are more comfortable in them, and they can actually do homework or art projects at their desk!  Imagine that!  Of course that dose of medicine sadly wears off all too soon. I am going somewhere with this, I am not just venting (smiling).

As an adult, and one who has suffered a tremendous loss, I find that I suffer from MMS aka Messy Mind Syndrome.  I imagine that everyone who has lost a loved one suffers from this as well.  During the first two and half years after the death of my son, my MMS was very bad.  It is much better now, but there are days when it flares up on me.

Before my son's death, for the most part, my mind was like a well organized filing cabinet.  There was a folder for important information that I could pull out and use when I needed it, then file it away.  There was a file folder for my usually awesome decision making ability that I could go to and take out whenever I needed it, use it, then file it back.  There was a file folder where I kept my emotions, I could pull out the appropriate emotion I needed, use it, then file it back. There was a folder for focusing that I could access when I needed it, use it, then file it back.  You get the idea.  

After my sons death it was as if someone had gone into the well organized filing cabinet of my mind, opened every draw and decided to remove all my important folders and just throw them in the middle of my mind and then to make things worse, they stirred them with a big stick and then turned on a fan to make sure everything really got swirled around in there.  Just talking about it has made me feel anxious.

If you suffer from MMS there is good news.  There are a few "medications" that can go along way in helping you.  One is acceptance.  Accept that you have it and that it is perfectly normal considering what you have been through. Another is time.  MMS does improve over time.  Another is patience. Be patient with yourself, you have suffered a terrible loss, allow yourself to grieve as long as you need to.  Another is prayer.  I really believe with all my heart in the power of prayer.  Allow others to be prayer warriors for you during this difficult time.  And last, but not least is faith.  For me, my faith in God and in His love for me is what has sustained me and will continue to sustain me.  

Just like my kids enjoy their uncluttered and clean room, you and I will once again enjoy the peace of an uncluttered mind.  Just like my my kids' rooms get cluttered up again, your mind will too, it happens.  But when we know what "medication(s)" we need, we will manage our MMS much better.

Hang in there my friend and don't stop looking for the 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

                           Keep Looking!  It's There!

Get Your Smile On!

How blessed were you who knew my son, George.  And for those of you who did not know him, I wish you could have spent a day or two with him.  Last night one of his best friends posted something George had written, I suppose his senior year in high school that was published I believe in the school paper. All of the departing senior football players were writing to their fellow players, bequeathing different thoughts to each of them.  

As typical of George's personality and style it was funny, sweet, honest, full of inside jokes.  And just SO George.  And I think that if he had known he was going to die just 11 years later and was writing to them right before his death, he would have left them with the same thoughts, and laughter. But having matured in his faith, he would have also left them with the importance of having a personal relationship with the Lord - not just the lip service kind.

And isn't it interesting how our loved ones who have passed on continue to speak to us in so many different ways?  We need to embrace that and look at it as a positive thing.  They have many things to teach us.  In George's case, last night, I was reminded of the importance of fun and laughter in our every day life.  And I was reminded of his own laugh.  Oh mercy, when his funny bone got tickled, and he started laughing, the rest of us in the room totally lost it.  His laugh was SO infectious.  

Take time today to do something fun, something that puts a smile on your lips and a song in your heart!  God is good!  Keep looking for that promised

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings Friend!!!
Betsy

My Pink Fluffy Robe

Just a few days ago, I was blessed to be able to visit with an "old" friend. We had not seen each other in about 25 years.  It was as if those 25 years never happened.  It was a comfortable and enjoyable visit.  

Much has happened in each of our lives in the past 25 years.  And there was a genuine comfort in sharing.  I have a pink fluffy well worn robe that I love to wear even in the summer months.  It's definitely not Victoria Secret material, but I put that on and my stress level goes down, down, down.  The visit with my friend was like putting on my pink, well worn robe.  

And we found that even though we have aged in years, we have remained in our hearts young, even after all that each of us have been through.  

Take some time to get together with an "old" friend - it will do your heart good! 

Have a wonderful day!

And keep your chin up so you won't miss the 

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings!

Betsy

Stuck in the Snow

 

Have you ever been stuck in snow or mud?  I have been a few times. My daddy taught his girls to get out of the snow by just gently rocking the car forward and backward just ever so much until you made a spot big enough to get enough traction to get out. Then just keep moving steadily, slowly forward. The worst possible thing we can do when stuck in the mud or snow is to give it the gas like we are peeling out for a race!  If we try that technique our tires are going to spin and we are going to dig hole that we are REALLY going to have a hard time getting out of. 

What is the problem with my daddy's technique?  Well, it requires patience. That is something most of us don't have a lot of.  In today's world, we have been conditioned to thinking everything should happen instantly.  We've got instant oatmeal, we've got instant pudding, we've got prepackaged salad mixes, we've got microwave popcorn and I admit that sometimes that 1:30 minutes in the microwave is just too long!  With smartphones we don't even have to dial a telephone number.  We push a button and tell Siri to do it.  We don't even have to look it up!  Amazing.  I have to say that Siri doesn't understand the Southeast Missouri twang too well.... I've got to watch her like a hawk!

There are some things where instant is good.  But there are some things that are just better given more time.  A homemade soup that is allowed to simmer on the stove for several hours, cookies made from scratch warm out of the oven, a fine wine, and a good cheese.  And a real face to face visit with a friend vs. texting back and forth.

Grief is one of those things that you can't just "peel out" of.  It takes that patient, gentle rocking back and forth to get the best results.  Oh, we can try the "peel out" method.  But usually that ends up being more harmful to us to in the long run. It may be jumping into another relationship that we are not ready for at all. It may involve becoming engrossed in our work, drinking, drugs, all done in an effort to avoid the pain that comes with a loss.  We may feel like these things are a quick fix to our pain.  They aren't - they just prolong the inevitable - at some point we are going to have to deal with the grief of our loss and possibly even more loss as a result of taking the speeding approach because we have dug a deeper hole for ourselves.

However, when we can be patient and let the feelings of grief come and go, and deal with them as they come and go, and allow ourselves to feel all the different emotions we will be better off in the long run.  We have to be willing to have days when we rock forward and days when we rock back, simply because that is the way grief works.  We can't fight it!  Blessed are those who are grieving who have friends who understand the process.  And honestly, if we have people around us who are pushing too hard for us "get over it and move on," it may be necessary to step away from those people for a time. They simply don't get it.  

But more blessed is the one who has a personal relationship with Jesus.  He understands loss and sorrow better than anyone ever will.  And He helps carry the burden and pain.  He gives strength when we think we have none left.  He takes us by the hand and walks with us.  And if we allow Him, he will hold us and rock us back and forth in His strong, loving arms.  He knows first hand what it is like to walk a long and very painful road..  He walked that road for you and me.  

I hope you will let Him hold you close today and rock you back and forth.  You will make more progress on your journey of grief.  You will be able to move forward with confidence knowing that He is walking with You.  

It's raining here this morning, and maybe it is raining in your heart.  But you hang in there!  You will see, there is

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings Friend!

Betsy

Do you really want to be here?  

Phantom Pain

I've been missing my son, George, more than usual the past few days.  I'm not quite sure why.  Maybe it's because it's high school football season and he should be out there coaching.  Maybe it's because I could just really use one of his gigantic, warm, hugs.  Maybe I just need to hear his infectious laughter. Maybe it's simply because he literally is a part of me.  

I carried him in my womb, he is literally my flesh and blood.  It is as if a very real part of my heart was cut away, and is gone, and a gaping, aching hole is left. Truly a part of me is missing.  

It reminds me somewhat of what amputees go through when they lose a limb. Even though the limb is gone, many amputees experience what is referred to as phantom pain, sometimes months, years, or even decades after the limb has been removed.  

I really don't expect that a parent ever gets over the loss of a child.  But I know now that I can expect to have days like today from time to time.  And I allow myself to have them, experience them, feel them.  It's okay.  

And sometimes I have these days because I have friends who have lost a child and I know so well the pain they feel, or they are struggling with the prospect of losing a child they love so dearly.  I have such empathy for them, yet there is nothing apart from prayer that I can say or do to make it all better for them. Oh, how I wish I could!  

There will be good days and there will be bad days on this journey of grief. Hang in there my traveling companion.....  I can say, there is 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

More on Life!

In my last post I shared the importance of not wasting the one life that has been given us.  I also shared that using our gifts and talents to help others along in their life journey is a good way to start living our life.

There are so many occupations where so much time and energy are devoted to and focused on helping others.  Teaching is one of those.  We've all benefited from teachers who have left a positive influence on our lives.  My favorite teacher of all time was my fifth and sixth grade teacher, John Hennessy.  The impact he had on me was indescribable.  I will always be thankful for Mr. Hennessy. God Bless our teachers.

Then I think of nurses.  I could not be a nurse, but I sure admire the profession.   Just as in all professions you will run across some good ones and some not so good ones.  But for the most part my experience with nurses has been a positive one.  They hold hands, give meds, clean up our messes, keep charts up to date, serve as a liaison between patient and doctor and the list goes on.  God bless our nurses.

And the list goes on, doctors, bus drivers, janitors, counselors, researchers, pastors, secretaries, military men and women, and so many other professions. Sometimes the work others do is not seen directly by us but affects us nonetheless. 

And of course, last but not least, parents.  I was blessed with wonderful Christian parents who raised me with love, patience, firmness, and understanding.  Although my daddy has passed on to his Heavenly home, I am still blessed with the presence of my mom and step-dad.  

Now, let me just say, that in almost every profession, we run the risk of not taking time for ourselves.  Being a mom with six children at home, and several of them with special needs there is very little time left over for myself.   I am coming to realize the importance of taking some time to recharge and refresh myself.  When I am recharged and refreshed, I am going to be more effective at what I do. 

So, what does this have to do with grief?  A lot!  In the midst of deep grief it is important to realize that it is okay and necessary to stop long enough to do something kind for ourselves. Even when we just feel like we don't have the energy, if we go ahead and take that time for ourselves we will find ourselves feeling more relaxed and more positive.  It could mean going down to your favorite coffee shop and actually sitting down, perhaps with a good book and reading a chapter or two.  Maybe it's taking a long bubble bath, taking a hike at a nearby park, riding your bike around the block.  You know the things you enjoy.  And if none of those sound like fun, try something new!  I'm wanting to learn to ride horses!  (Smiling)  And I'm still waiting for my ship to come in so I can buy that Harley!  (True!)

Remember, we only get one shot at this - let's make the most of it!  I am so blessed to have you on this journey with me.  I always welcome your comments.  Don't forget to share this post with others who need encouragement on their journey!  Also, don't forget that you can go to the Facebook page for "Grieving the Loss, Sunshine After the Storm."  Just click on the "Like" tab and updates will be posted to your timeline.  

Never stop looking for the 

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings Friends!

Betsy

  

A Life Is a Terrible Thing To Waste

"A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste" was the campaign slogan used by the United Negro College Fund in 1972, and they continue to use it today.  I remember seeing the ads on television and perhaps you do too. Maybe the ads still run today, but I don't get time to watch a lot of television with six minions running around!  

I think that not only is a mind a terrible thing to waste, but so is a life. We are given one chance, here on this earth, to live out our life.  Sadly many of us drag our feet thinking that we can "get around to it tomorrow."  Others just never seem to get out of the starting gate.  But you who have experienced loss, know that we are not guaranteed tomorrow.  

And I'm not talking about partying through life, just living for the moment. I'm talking about being the best that we can be and making a difference in the lives of other people.  We each have so much untapped potential.  God created each of us with special talents and abilities for a reason.  I don't think He wants us to sit around twiddling our thumbs, waiting for life to happen to us.  He wants us to go out and make it happen for us.  

This journey of grief that I have been on has changed and is changing how I think about a lot of things.  And the journey you are on is more than likely going to change how you think about things.  You and I are facing challenges every single day.  I prefer to call them challenges vs. difficulties.  For me it has a more positive connotation. (Smiling)  I am thankful that I do not have to face these challenges alone.  I have a Heavenly Father who knows and cares about every single thing that happens to me and He is always there for guidance and help.  It is mine for the asking.  Maybe we struggle more than we need to because we don't ask for His help!

Time goes by so quickly, we haven't time to waste.  Life becomes so much more enjoyable when we are giving of our time and talents to make someone else's life better, happier, and easier.  Helping others is a good place to begin with really living our life!  I hope you will take time today to do something kind and positive for someone else, expecting absolutely nothing in return. You will be blessed and so will they!  And maybe, you will give them the hope they need to see the

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings!

Betsy

LOL

I have had an extremely eventful week.  I've told you before and I'll probably tell you again and again, that there is NEVER a dull moment in my house aka my life.  

You already know that not much goes as planned in our lives.  I wonder if we keep calendars or they keep us?  Appointments get changed, added, canceled. And it seems like each year I am purchasing the next year's calender earlier and earlier - I already have appointments to fill in for next year and have had for some time.  I guess I need to put a 2014 calendar on my next shopping list.

I know that I am not the only person who talks to themselves out loud.  I try to do it when I'm alone so people don't think I'm nuts.  (I know I am, but why let anyone else in on the secret?)  So yesterday, while running errands Mr. Negativity aka Satan popped into my head, and I started having a pity party. Thankfully it was brief, because Mr. Positivity aka Jesus, popped into the conversation. And He said to me in a still, small, voice, "Trust Me, do what needs to be done today, love Me, love on your kids, and you will be surprised and what I will do."  I of course, said, "I know Lord that You are right, You are always right.  I can do everything I need to do, because You have always had my back and always will."

Then to drive it home to me, He did one of those "God things" at the most unusual place in the most unusual way.  It was at the feed store where I was picking up deer corn.  (If you have read my earlier posts, you know that the kids and I love to watch the deer come in the back to graze.)  While I was waiting on the clerk to get the corn for me, an individual who just came in the store approached me and we had the most unusual conversation that I have had in a very long time with anyone.  And it had to do with just the thing I was talking with God about only 20 minutes before.  When I got in the van the whole thing struck me as so funny!  And I laughed, and I laughed, and I laughed.  I kept getting chuckles out of it and it's still funny today.  And I have a feeling that my boy was probably watching from Heaven and getting quite a chuckle out of the situation too!

See, I think God knew I needed a really good reminder of His love and provision for me.  And I think that He knew how desperately I needed to laugh. Proverbs 17:22 says, "A cheerful heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit makes one sick."  It is difficult when one is in the depths of despair to find humor in anything.  And sometimes we feel guilty if we do! Listen up, it is okay to laugh, it is okay to be happy. I believe that it helps move us forward in the healing process.  And even in the midst of despair we can have joy that comes from hope!  When was the last time you took time to LOL?  My friends, keep looking for the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy 

Turning Point

I remember my counselor telling me that one day I would realize a turning point in my grieving process.  Even though she would remind me of that, I was doubtful. In the midst of such despair, it is practically impossible to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Remember, that everyone's grief is different, how they grieve and how long they grieve.  I was about two and a half years into grieving the loss of my son when that turning point came. 

I had been faithful to attend worship services over this two year period. We have a wonderful worship team, wonderful staff, wonderful pastors, wonderful fellow members.  I was sitting in church this particular Sunday, along with my two older girls and my husband.  For the life of me, I cannot remember the exact day, nor can I remember the exact message that Pastor Bryan shared. But every word he spoke, was a word from the Lord, directed straight at my heart, mind and soul.  I tried so hard to keep the tears at bay during the message, but toward the end of the message there was a steady but quiet stream making it's way down my cheeks.

At the end of the message, Pastor Bryan invited us to participate in the Lord's Supper.  At our church, we go forward to receive the elements and come back to our seat to partake of them.  We were sitting in the back, as we sometimes do, because with six children to get ready, we are sometimes running late.  I remember feeling overwhelmed with a tsunami of tears.  I was at that point unable to move from my seat.  My family went forward (unaware of my emotional condition), along with others in the congregation and the sobs came.  They were deep sobs and there was no stopping them.  

And suddenly, there were strong arms around me, just holding me and letting me sob.  It honestly felt like I was in the arms of Jesus.  It was the most comforted that I had felt since this ordeal began.  This man of God, allowed himself to be used by God to minister to me during this critical turning point. For that time that he held me, his arms became the arms of Jesus.  It was the touch I so desperately needed.  I will forever be thankful and grateful for this fellow Christian and the love he showed to me that day.  That moment, was indeed, my turning point in the grieving process.  Not to say that it was over, but I began to look at everything in a different light. It's when I started to catch glimpses of the sunshine after the storm. 

As Christians, we are here to be the hands and feet of Jesus to minister to others. We should never, ever under estimate the power that we have through Jesus to make a difference in the lives of others.  We just have to be willing to keep our eyes open for the opportunities and listen to the prompting of the Lord.  

Who can you be a blessing to today?  You might just be the turning point that someone is waiting for!  Keep your eyes open to see the 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

Well Crap!

Oh my goodness.  What a life I lead.  Some days are just too much and today was one of them.  

I had to run into town to do some grocery shopping and birthday shopping.  I waited until it had cooled off to about 92 degrees at 5:15 p.m., to make my trip.  While shopping, I got a call from my oldest daughter that the sinks were gurgling and one of the toilets was not flushing.  I could not have been more delighted with this news!  (Yes, I am being sarcastic.)  I told her not to run anymore water and not to flush any toilets until I could get home.

If you have read my earlier posts, you know that I live on 10 acres in the country.  We have some really good well water and a new and huge septic tank.  So, if you have ever had a septic tank you know that gurgling sinks and toilets not flushing are NOT good signs.  So, I finished up my shopping and got home about 7:15 just as the sun was starting to set.  I unloaded my groceries and threw the frozen items in the freezer and headed outside with my oldest daughter to tackle one of the grossest jobs on earth.

I needed a hammer to loosen the cap that is on the doohickey thingy pipe that I needed to look down in to see if "things" were backed up where I thought they were.  Well of course, I could not locate the hammer.  It was not where it was supposed to be.  So I ended up having to use a wrench.  Let's just say, that cap was not going to come off without some divine intervention. As I tapped and pried, my daughter pulled and I just started praying for Jesus to give us the physical strength we needed to get that cap off.  And after working together and using every ounce of strength we could muster we got it off.  By this time it was dark, so we needed a flashlight to look down the in pipe.  Sure enough it was backed up.  Yippee!  (Yes, I'm being sarcastic again!)

Next came the utterly disgusting job of snaking the water house down into the pipe, and trying to get it to turn at the bottom into another pipe. Guess what?  You can't just snake it in.  You have to put your entire arm in, up to your armpits and work it into the other pipe.  By this time we were working with a flashlight. There's something about sticking your hand and entire arm up to your armpits down into the cold, wet, dark unknown that oozes with creepiness and yuckiness. Have mercy!  My daughter and I took turns trying to force the hose in as far as we could get it to clear the um, well, the problem. After about an hour the water started going down and soon water was flowing free and clear and I practically broke into the Hallelujah Chorus.  

Of course, I had bathed the dogs earlier in the day, and one of the kids let them out and they decided to roll in the overflow mess.  So not only did my daughter and I have to shower, but the dogs ended up getting a second bath. We had not had supper yet and it was 9 p.m., by the time all the children were fed and 9:30 by the time they were tucked in.  And I still have a dessert to make tonight and it's 10:30 now!  

This was the last thing I needed and it couldn't have come at a worse time. And somewhere in the midst of all this mess, I thought that there never ever would be a good time to have to deal with it!  I can't say I ever really want to do that again in my lifetime, but I know I will have to.  Then my mind shifted to loss and grief.  Loss is always the last thing we need and there never really is a good time for it to come, is there?  And we cannot handle the loss and grief on our own.  We need divine intervention to help us when we are in the cold, dark, depths of despair.  Sometimes we feel like we are wallowing in muck and mire and will never be able to get out.  But praise the Lord, for His helping hand to lift us up.  And praise the Lord for really good friends and family members who are there to lend their helping hand!   

I don't know what you are dealing with today, but I know that God is there, just waiting for you to reach out for His hand.  I pray that you will find comfort in Him today!  Keep looking for the 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

When Hopes and Dreams Change

Yesterday I was at St. Louis Children's Hospital with two of my children.  Let me say, that this was by far NOT our first trip there.  We've had a few hospital stays there, a few minor surgeries, and lots of ongoing appointments with specialists.  I have to say that I love this hospital, doctors, and staff. Even with a two hour drive one way, it is well worth the trip to receive the kind of care that I need for my children.

My six children that are still at home with me are all adopted.  Various backgrounds, different needs.  I knew when I adopted them that they were special needs children.  And I never know when a new need will surface. But God is good, and puts people in our path to help us along the journey.

Every time I am at STLC I am so overwhelmed with compassion and empathy for so many of the children and parents who are there.  So many are there for the long haul.  Several times during our visits there we find ourselves on elevators or in the cafeteria with tearful parents and grandparents who are facing difficult days. I would imagine in the presence of their children they do their best to remain composed and positive.  But once they step out of that room those tears come.  

I remember when I was pregnant with my first child, I worried that she would be born healthy.  And she was.  We all have hopes and dreams for our children's lives.  We dream of all we want them to experience and accomplish in their lives.  

And for so many parents those dreams and hopes can be threatened to be snuffed out with an unexpected and unwanted diagnosis.  In the blink of an eye everything can change.  So there comes a time when our hopes and dreams need to be tweaked to fit the circumstances.  We cannot give up when we have others depending on us for strength.  We must always, always, have hope.  And we must pass along that hope and encouragement to our children.  
When we look outside of our own circumstances and troubles, we can very often see that our burdens pale in comparison to those of others.  We have been given a very special opportunity to be able to pray for others.  I would encourage you today to pray for children and their families who are facing life and death situations.  Pray for comfort, for peace, and hope!  

I'm not trying to make light of the circumstances each of us face.  We too, who have experienced loss, find that the dreams we had for our future may need to be adjusted.  We are still here for a reason and purpose.  It is up to us to find it.  I pray you have a blessed weekend.  Never give up hope and you will see the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings Friends!
Betsy

I Have Lost My Mind

So much of my inspiration comes from my children.  If any of you are old enough to remember the Art Linkletter show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things," then you can appreciate daily life at my house.  With six kids ages 5 through 11, it can be quite entertaining at times.  

I asked my son, who started Kindergarten this year what he learned yesterday. And he began to share with me more than a  few things.  I told him how smart he was and he replied, "My head is just full of my mind." (Haha)

About a week ago, he came up to me in the kitchen where I was working, and he had something in his hands (I don't remember what) and he said, "Mom, since you have lost all of your mind, I am going to do this for you."  I wasn't sure I heard him right, so I asked him to repeat it.  Sure enough, I had heard correctly.  So, I asked him, "so, mommy's lost her mind?"  And he answered in the affirmative.  So I thanked him profusely for taking care of mommy since her mind was missing. (Smiling)

At this stage in my grief, I can say that most of my missing mind can be blamed on a crazy hectic schedule, but occasionally grief will hit me and for a short time, my mind is preoccupied.

Early in the grief process we may have all our brains intact, but our mind becomes so overwhelmed with so many rapid firing thoughts that our mind in order to save itself from complete overload, shuts down for a period of time. And that is, I believe, perfectly normal.  That is why, as I've posted earlier, that I believe some decision that don't have to be made immediately should just be put on the back burner until we can think clearly. And that time will come.  Try to be patient!  

For now, I am going to look for my mind and see if I can find it.  I have a lot of things I want to accomplish today, and I need my mind to be able to get them all done.  Now, if I were 5, where would I hide my mom's mind?  

Have a wonderful day friend, and keep looking for the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy

                              Now, where did I put it??

Make Today Worth Remembering

I'm back to the real world after my brief but much needed R&R and Mom and Armund's B&B.  Reality set in the minute I walked in the door.  "Mom, can we go to the town pool? Mom, can you help me with this word puzzle? Mom??"
Yep, I'm home.  Six children who depend on me everyday to meet their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs."  

It is a hectic life we lead, but in spite of the craziness of it all there are so many joys to be found.  It would be very easy to get wrapped up in the craziness and miss out completely on the precious moments that come each day.  These precious moments are what keep me going.  That, and knowing that my strength and help does not come from me alone, but from the Lord who walks beside me every step of the way.  

We are all faced with craziness in our world.  Maybe yours doesn't come from six children, maybe it comes from a job that is exceedingly stressful, or a family or work relationship that you have struggled over, maybe a medical condition in which there seems to be no relief in sight.  When you take any one of of these things and add grief into the mix it can make for some very "heavy" days.  

You are not alone.  Others have been and are where you are.  No experience is exactly the same, nor the way we deal with it.  But, for me, the presence of my Savior keeps me from drowning on those especially difficult days.  He was able to walk on water, and rise from the dead.  He's certainly able to keep me on solid footing.  

Remember, we don't need to start chewing on tomorrow and the next day and the next week, or six months down the road.  We just need to focus on today, making the most of it.  God was in our yesterday, He is in our today, and He is already working in our tomorrow!  Keep your eyes focused on Him, and you will see the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll be left with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays.  I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering.

Weeds aka Crab Grass

I am in Poplar Bluff for a few days of rest and relaxation.  I'm taking a much needed break.  Poplar Bluff is "home" to me.  My mom and step-dad still live here and they provide a great "bed and breakfast" for me from time to time. 

This is also where my daddy and my son are buried together. They are buried in the Veterans section of City Cemetery.  As I shared in an earlier post, my son wanted to be buried with his "Pa" so some of his ashes were placed in an urn and buried at my daddy's feet.  There are two markers there. One for daddy at the head of the grave showing his service in WWII and one at the foot of the grave for George's service in Operation Enduring Freedom.  I went to visit them today around dusk.

Since George's death, I have had a florist make matching pieces every few months to place above their markers.  When I drove up and got out of the van to say "hi" to my two favorite Georges, I noticed that their flowers were gone.  And their flags were gone.  It made me sad to see nothing there except two tiny very worn out flags that had come off of the flower arrangements.  Someone had tried to stick them in the ground above the markers.  And as I got closer I noticed that the mowers had slung grass on top of the markers, and weeds, aka crab grass, were beginning to creep up on the edges of the markers. 

I had an ache in my heart to see not only the flowers gone, but for some reason, today, that crab grass really bothered me.  I had a vision of it overtaking their markers and covering them completely until I would never be able to see them again.  And I felt as if that crab grass was choking the breath out of me. 

I've had time to contemplate all of this for several hours now and here is what has come to mind.  It is amazing how quickly weeds can overtake things.  My mom and step-dad had been out just a few weeks earlier to visit the grave and everything was in good condition, the flowers were still there and the markers were clean.  In those few short weeks since their visit, the flowers had disappeared, the markers had collected some debris and the weeds had begun their attempt to swallow up anything in their way.

A good gardener takes care daily to pull out any weeds that could become a threat to their plants. Could it be, that in our grieving process and in our lives in general, we need to attempt daily to pull out any weeds, aka crab grass, aka negative thoughts that could overtake and swallow us up?  Just like weeds can quickly overtake a beautiful garden, our "weeds" such as fear, anger, bitterness, unresolved guilt, etc., can quickly choke out the beautiful life that God wants us to have here and now even in the midst of whatever struggles we may be having.  It is definitely something I personally need to keep a close watch on.

And, I have work to do.  I am arming myself with a whisk broom, some new flags, and some garden clippers to clean up around two markers. And of course I need to get some new flowers ordered.  I think I will order an autumn arrangements filled with brilliant and happy colors.  Keep moving forward on your journey, and you will find,

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy                                 

 

Wildflowers

Today was the first day since the kids have been back to school that I have gotten to take my morning walk!  Yippee for me!!!  Living out in the country is such a joy for me.  I love nature and I love to watch the seasons changing. For those of you who are summer fanatics, I hate to inform you, but fall is coming!  

I love fall.  I can't complain about this summer too much because all in all it has been pretty pleasant.  I don't like hot weather.  Plain and simple.  But fall, I really enjoy.  The kids go back to school, high school football gets underway, the leaves start to change. And of course, it is time for bonfires and s'mores, and for watching the leaves change into a beautiful collage for our enjoyment. And here, they should be a masterpiece since we have had an abundance of rain!  I love the nip in the air. It's almost time for popcorn and cocoa with too much whipped cream on it.   I get excited just thinking about it!


I snapped a few shots of the last remaining wildflowers while I was walking today.  Before long they will go to sleep for the cold winter and awaken in the spring and summer to show us their beauty again.  

I think maybe grief is like this.  We go into a cold dark winter for a time.  But when we are patient and allow time and God to do their work in us, we will eventually feel ourselves emerging into the light, a little at a time.  And suddenly not really understanding how it happened, we burst forth clothed in beauty that we never knew existed in us. We cannot go through grief without dying a little, but our roots remain.  God is good and He will tenderly care for us in the winter's cold.  Let Him embrace you today and watch what He will do with you in the days and months, and years ahead. Always remember, there is

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

They will be back - so will you!  

One Minute At A Time

Well, my children are officially back in school.  They started on Thursday of last week.  However, the days prior to were somewhat chaotic.  And just when I thought things would settle down for a bit, they decided to get crazy again.

Add to that a toothache.  I have never had a toothache before that I can recall.  I've had sensitive teeth but not a toothache.  Started hurting off and on Wednesday and by Thursday evening it was really hurting.  Called the dentist. They put me on antibiotic, pain medication, and on their waiting list. I have no idea how long that list is.  I hope it isn't too long because this now dull ache is starting to get on my nerves.  Literally.

This week is going to be packed with craziness.  Maybe I was dreaming when I thought I was going to get to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee without any interruptions once the kids started back to school.  And that morning walk I've wanted to start taking - just me and God, enjoying one another's company and His creation, well I sure hope I'll be able to get that started fairly soon.

I could certainly get overwhelmed with all the craziness.  But what good would that do me? These are the times when I have to constantly remind myself to just take one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. God is in today and He's already in tomorrow and the next day and the day after that working things out.  I just need to stay out of His way, and do what I know He wants me to do right now.  It's a lot less complicated that way.

I hope that you take time to really enjoy some special moments in your day. And keep in mind that no matter how crazy and cloudy your day may seem, there is always, 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy 

School Days

I've been super busy getting my six little minions ready for school.  That's a lot of registration papers to fill out and a lot of supplies to buy! And a lot of open houses to get to. A lot of shoes and clothes to buy -  of course everyone grew by leaps and bounds during the summer months.  

School begins tomorrow and I am super excited!  I'm looking forward to getting a lot of projects done that have had to be put on hold over the summer months because we've been busy making memories.  

And I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who devote your time to my children, from bus drivers, to teachers, cooks, teacher aides, custodians, secretaries, nurses, counselors, librarians, music instructors, computer lab instructors, coaches, principals, and on and on it goes. Together, we work together for a wonderful future for "our" children.  I wish all of you a beautiful year.

Children can wear us out sometimes, but they can also keep us young at heart - they can bring light to an otherwise dreary day.  Really take time to not just listen to, but really "hear" a child today and you may just see some 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy

Who's Got Your Back?

My son's death has affected me in more ways than I could possibly imagine. I am not the same person I was before he died.  And many things have transpired during the past three years that have turned my world upside down. I am at a time in my life when changes and challenges are coming at me from every direction. 

I've always been the kind of person who has believed I could do pretty much anything I set my mind to.  I've always been the kind of person who likes to have all her ducks in a row.  And I've always been prepared with Plan B and Plan C if Plan A fails.  

Yes, I've always liked to be in control of my life.  I know I can't control other people.  All I can do is take care of me.  However after several huge disappointments and great losses, I've realized that at some point I began to depend on my own abilities and other people too much for my needs. 

Problem?  I was not depending on God enough.  I think we forget sometimes that he cares about every big and tiny detail of our life.  We say we know it, but we don't really appreciate it, until we have no choice but to live it!  And in so doing, realize that He, and He alone is our provider.  

I have found myself in a position where I have no choice but to move aside and let Him work in my life.  I have no choice but to trust HIM for my daily needs.  And I must say, it has been absolutely amazing to watch Him each day take care of me and the children in some really unexpected ways.  And what a privilege and joy it is to share these daily blessings of God's provisions with my children.  They are learning invaluable lessons.  

I have many challenges in the days, weeks, and months, ahead.  But I am learning to take one day at a time.  In doing so, it frees me of the worries associated with tomorrow so I can spend more time enjoying the blessings of today.

Jesus was preaching to the crowds and asked, "Will all your worries add a single moment to your life?"  Matt 6:27 (TLB)  No, they will rob us of the joy of living today.  He also said, " So don't be anxious about tomorrow.  God will take care of your tomorrow too.  Live one day at a time."  Matt 6:34 (TLB)  

How about you?  Are you trusting Him fully for your needs one day at a time?   Keep looking across the skies to find the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy