Holidays - Where's the Joy?

Then came November. Thanksgiving.  And December.  Christmas.  We were supposed to be spending these holidays with George for the first time in many years.  And now, he wasn't here.  I had so looked forward to spending all the holidays with him again. I still didn't have an answer to that question, "why, and why now?"  

Honestly, the only thing that prompted me to even cook a Thanksgiving dinner was the fact that I knew I needed to do it for the children.  But every bite I took was hard to swallow.  Oh, I did my best to put on a happy face for everyone's benefit, but inside I was so terribly lonesome for my boy. 

And Christmas was even harder.  I hadn't emotionally bounced back from Thanksgiving and here it was, time to put up a tree, decorate, buy gifts for the children.  And I was not in the mood to do any of it.   It was a struggle. Usually the tree goes up Thanksgiving weekend.  Not that year.  I don't remember when I got around to it.  But it was later than usual.  And I didn't do it with much joy.  Nor did I shop with much joy.  But there I was again, putting on my happy face, pretending everything was good.  

There is no question about it.  Holidays are difficult with a capital "D" after the loss of a loved one. Our loved one should be there and that's all there is to it! Be prepared for holidays, especially the first year or two, to set you back in your grieving process for a while.  You can probably expect some extra feelings of sadness or depression before and after.  

Oh, and at some point, we need to talk about guilt.  Yes we do.  We will get to that.  But for now, keep focusing!  There is

Sunshine After the Storm

Blessings

Betsy

The Last Christmas I Spent With George
December 2003