Friday, May 31, 2013
Why? And Why Now??
On that flight from California to Missouri, to say goodbye to my son, a million thoughts were racing through my mind. I think one of the questions we all ask when we lose a loved one is "why?" And I was asking "why now?"
Just a couple of months before my son's death, my husband and I had made the decision to move back to Missouri. We were going to be staying with my son until we decided if we wanted to build or buy a place. My son was SO excited that we were coming "home." And I had already started packing. We were going to be back home and all be a family again. My oldest daughter and her children would only be a two hour drive from us. Our 6 adopted children would have my grandchildren to play with. We would be able to share holidays together for the first time in years! Life was good! Why in the world would God take my boy now??
And my son, George, was living his dream job. After graduation from high school he had joined the Navy and served during Operation Enduring Freedom (immediately following the 9/11 attacks). After his time in the Navy he went to college and got his degree in teaching. He was teaching American history and coaching football in the town where we had lived for a few years when he was a young boy.
I contemplated all this, among many other things, during that flight, and I couldn't come up with any answers - there just weren't any answers that made sense!
BUT, there was one thing I did believe and that was that God knew all the answers and He was in control and that was going to have to be enough. This was something I had to remind myself of over and over and over again for months to come.
If I were a betting person, I would bet that you have experienced a loss that has made you ask "why?" Our mind tells us one thing and our heart tells us something else. And even if we knew "why" we would still have a broken heart. Perhaps down the road looking back over our journey we may begin to understand the "why" and perhaps we never will. However, I truly believe that good things can come from the bad things we experience. I've seen it so many times, not just in my own life but in the lives of others. Wherever you are in your journey, hang on, don't give up, because there IS
Sunshine After the Storm
Betsy
Just a couple of months before my son's death, my husband and I had made the decision to move back to Missouri. We were going to be staying with my son until we decided if we wanted to build or buy a place. My son was SO excited that we were coming "home." And I had already started packing. We were going to be back home and all be a family again. My oldest daughter and her children would only be a two hour drive from us. Our 6 adopted children would have my grandchildren to play with. We would be able to share holidays together for the first time in years! Life was good! Why in the world would God take my boy now??
And my son, George, was living his dream job. After graduation from high school he had joined the Navy and served during Operation Enduring Freedom (immediately following the 9/11 attacks). After his time in the Navy he went to college and got his degree in teaching. He was teaching American history and coaching football in the town where we had lived for a few years when he was a young boy.
I contemplated all this, among many other things, during that flight, and I couldn't come up with any answers - there just weren't any answers that made sense!
BUT, there was one thing I did believe and that was that God knew all the answers and He was in control and that was going to have to be enough. This was something I had to remind myself of over and over and over again for months to come.
If I were a betting person, I would bet that you have experienced a loss that has made you ask "why?" Our mind tells us one thing and our heart tells us something else. And even if we knew "why" we would still have a broken heart. Perhaps down the road looking back over our journey we may begin to understand the "why" and perhaps we never will. However, I truly believe that good things can come from the bad things we experience. I've seen it so many times, not just in my own life but in the lives of others. Wherever you are in your journey, hang on, don't give up, because there IS
Sunshine After the Storm
Betsy
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
What's Wrong With This Picture??
It became amazingly clear to me very quickly that something was seriously wrong with everyone. Didn't they know that my son had just died and that my world had just come to a screeching halt???? From the people in lines at the airport, to the security workers, to the ticket takers (I'm not sure what their official title is), to stewards and stewardesses, to the passengers I was surrounded by - they were all just going on with their lives like nothing was wrong! They were laughing, talking, arguing, reading, listening to music.
What was wrong with this picture??? Well, nothing was wrong with it and they had no way of knowing my life was in turmoil. People cannot hear our silent screams. However, it is interesting how often I felt that way over the days, weeks, and months ahead in different situations. The only explanation I have is that when we are experiencing a deep loss, our pain is truly our own and no one else can experience it in the same way. We have all been created as unique individuals and have each gone through many experiences during our lifetime that make us who we are at any given moment. Even though the circumstances surrounding our loss may be similar, our reaction to that loss is uniquely our own.
To those grieving, be kind and be patient when someone attempts to comfort you by saying, "I know how you feel." On the inside you may be screaming, "no you don't!" And you may be right to a certain extent. But they are trying to comfort you the best way they know how. Let them. And remember, there is
Sunshine After the Storm.....
Betsy
P.S. I have added links to television newscasts reporting my son's death.
And as always, look forward to your comments!
What was wrong with this picture??? Well, nothing was wrong with it and they had no way of knowing my life was in turmoil. People cannot hear our silent screams. However, it is interesting how often I felt that way over the days, weeks, and months ahead in different situations. The only explanation I have is that when we are experiencing a deep loss, our pain is truly our own and no one else can experience it in the same way. We have all been created as unique individuals and have each gone through many experiences during our lifetime that make us who we are at any given moment. Even though the circumstances surrounding our loss may be similar, our reaction to that loss is uniquely our own.
To those grieving, be kind and be patient when someone attempts to comfort you by saying, "I know how you feel." On the inside you may be screaming, "no you don't!" And you may be right to a certain extent. But they are trying to comfort you the best way they know how. Let them. And remember, there is
Sunshine After the Storm.....
Betsy
P.S. I have added links to television newscasts reporting my son's death.
And as always, look forward to your comments!
"NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!"
For the next several hours, I was pacing the floor in a panicked frenzy, shouting those words over and over. Sometimes they came out firmly and sternly as if I was an issuing a command that this simply would not do! Other times they came out in wails as if to say, please don't let this be true!
A million things flashed through my mind, I knew I had to get back to Missouri quickly, and I knew taking our six adopted children with us was not an option. At the time they were ages, 8, 7, 6, 4, 4, and 2. Within about 30 minutes I gathered my wits long enough to call on the help of our Sunday School class, and a close friend. With very little help from me, they managed to organize who would stay with the kids each night we were gone, who would bring meals, and who would get them to school and to scheduled doctor's appointments. They were there at a critical time of need and shall never be forgotten. Someone called our pastor who was in our home within a couple of hours having prayer with us. My husband made flight arrangements during these few hours. I remember the deep grief that kept welling up inside of me and the deep, long sobs that were inconsolable. Packing for the trip seemed to take forever and sleep would not come that night.
I want to hit the pause button and say this to those who are grieving. People mean well, but in times of our deepest grief very often their words fall on ears that simply cannot hear. Don't feel bad if you are in the "cannot hear it" stage. It's part of the process. If you are someone who is trying to console another who is experiencing loss, remember that sometimes a hug, and an "I love you" is all you need to say or do. And prayer? That's the best! It's what carries us through!
And remember this, there will be "Sunshine After the Storm!"
Blessings,
Betsy
P.S. I welcome your comments!
A million things flashed through my mind, I knew I had to get back to Missouri quickly, and I knew taking our six adopted children with us was not an option. At the time they were ages, 8, 7, 6, 4, 4, and 2. Within about 30 minutes I gathered my wits long enough to call on the help of our Sunday School class, and a close friend. With very little help from me, they managed to organize who would stay with the kids each night we were gone, who would bring meals, and who would get them to school and to scheduled doctor's appointments. They were there at a critical time of need and shall never be forgotten. Someone called our pastor who was in our home within a couple of hours having prayer with us. My husband made flight arrangements during these few hours. I remember the deep grief that kept welling up inside of me and the deep, long sobs that were inconsolable. Packing for the trip seemed to take forever and sleep would not come that night.
I want to hit the pause button and say this to those who are grieving. People mean well, but in times of our deepest grief very often their words fall on ears that simply cannot hear. Don't feel bad if you are in the "cannot hear it" stage. It's part of the process. If you are someone who is trying to console another who is experiencing loss, remember that sometimes a hug, and an "I love you" is all you need to say or do. And prayer? That's the best! It's what carries us through!
And remember this, there will be "Sunshine After the Storm!"
Blessings,
Betsy
P.S. I welcome your comments!
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
That Dreaded Call
It's a parent's worst fear - the dreaded call. I received that call on April 14, 2010. I had already spoken to my son that day and we had exchanged texts just an hour or so before that call came in. I was living in California at the time, he was living in Missouri. His wife, whom he was separated from at the time, made the call. I remember screaming at her and accusing her of lying to me. I was in absolute shock and disbelief. He and one of his closest friends had been riding their motorcycles that afternoon. A driver in an SUV had been cutting off other motorists on the road, and driving very dangerously. From what I understand, my son was trying to get around the driver when the driver tried to cut him off. My son lost control, and was thrown into a steel cable barrier. He was killed on impact. I will spare the other details.
When I received that dreaded call, I demanded from my daughter-in-law the number of my son's friend who was with him. I wanted proof that he was dead - perhaps he was just injured. I made that call but his friend was overwrought and in shock as well. At that point I called my only sister and asked her to make a call to the highway patrol to verify what had happened. She called back with news that confirmed that my son was indeed dead. But even that wasn't enough - I wanted to name and number of the person she talked to - I needed to hear it from them first hand. And I did. Thus began my journey to hell and back.
Notice I said journey to hell and back. Yes, back. It has been a long process and I will share more. I welcome your comments and insights on your journey. In the meantime....
There IS Sunshine After the Storm.
Betsy
Monday, May 27, 2013
Welcome to "Grieving the Loss, Sunshine After the Storm."
I am new at blogging, and my site will be "under construction" for a while until I get the hang of things. Now that I think about it, my life has continually been under construction while I get the hang of things. What a journey I have been on thus far!
Everyone I know has experienced loss of some kind. Perhaps a job, a treasured possession, a meaningful friendship, or a marriage. Those can all be devastating and painful. But for the most part I will be sharing about the loss by death of those we hold dearest. I've lost dear grandparents, my precious daddy, but the most painful loss I have experienced thus far was the unexpected, tragic death of my son a little over three years ago.
I am discovering that there is sunshine after the storm and I hope that in sharing bits and pieces of my journey, you will be encouraged in yours.
Blessings......
Betsy
Blessings......
Betsy
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