What Were You Saying?

I have no memory of the flight back to California.  I am surprised that I didn't end up in a foreign country!  I could have and probably would not have known the difference.  I have no memory of the drive back to the house but somehow I ended up there.  

And there was much to be done.  I didn't have time to think much during the days.  I operated much like a robot doing what needed to be done.  Taking three of the children to school while caring for the other three at home, picking up the children from school, fixing meals, helping with baths. And trying to fit in packing boxes in between all the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Nights were more difficult.  After the children had been read to, prayed with, and tucked away in bed, things were quiet.  That meant thinking about George's death.  Sometimes sleep wouldn't come until the wee hours of the morning.  Questions remained, no answers were to be found.  

I was still struck by the fact that other people were going on about their lives like nothing was wrong.  I was still amazed at what seemed to be insensitivity on the part of some people.  When people would find out, during the course of a conversation, that I had lost a son, the words would barely be out of my mouth before they would start telling me their experience or the experience of someone they knew.  I cannot begin to tell you how that annoyed me.  At that point in my journey I really could care less about their story.  Now, that may sound really harsh to some of you.  I am usually a very sensitive and merciful person and would have been able to give them my full attention and sympathy.  So it is rather shocking that I would have felt that way.  But, I did!  But nonetheless I listened to them with what I can only hope was an understanding look on my face.  I can smile about my reaction now, knowing it was normal, but I wasn't smiling then.

Looking back, I know people did not intend to be insensitive.  Too often we are guilty of speaking before we think.  Too often, we think we need to say something when really, simply saying, "I'm so sorry for your loss" will do just fine. And maybe people have their own unresolved grief they need to share, but I really don't think that sharing it with someone who has just experienced a deep loss, is the appropriate person to seek counsel from.  People who are in the midst of deep grieving can barely put one foot in front of the other most days, and that's if only if they were able to get out of the bed!

So if you are in the midst of grief and feeling more than a little perturbed or a little less patient than you normally would be, don't worry.  I think it is fairly normal.  And if you are speaking to someone who is grieving and they appear to have zoned out on you, they probably did, don't take it personally, they didn't mean to, it just happens.  Hey, come on, admit it, we've all left work and ended up at home and had no memory of how we got there!  Right?

I think we could all work a little harder at learning to apply what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 3, "There is a right time for everything...... A time to be quiet; A time to speak up" (TLB).  I bet most of our relationships would be greatly improved if we would strive to know the difference, don't you?  

So for now my friends, I hope that today, you will catch a glimpse of joy in this journey of life.  Always remember, there is

Sunshine after the Storm
Blessings
Betsy