Barriers and Open Wounds

Our church is going through a sermon series entitled "Barriers."  It is an excellent series, however on the first Sunday of the series a brief video was shown in which you had a driver's view of traveling down the road with road barriers on the side of the road.

Immediately painful memories of my sons death flashed at a constant rate through my mind.  I didn't see him die, but I have eye witness accounts of how his body was thrown from his motorcycle into barriers that literally cut him into pieces.  As I was watching this video, the voice in my head was screaming, "they didn't protect my son, they killed him."  Over and over I imagined his precious body going through those barriers.

The sermon series is designed to help us understand that barriers are there for our protection.  God has designed barriers to keep us from moving beyond those barriers into troubles that can destroy our lives and/or those of others.

Although I fully agree with the concept of the sermon series, all I could see was my boy - flying through that cable barrier ending his life.  Everyone tells me that his death was instant.  But I will always wonder what his last thoughts were, or did it happen so fast that he didn't have any last thoughts other than trying to get his motorcycle back on the road.  

It's been three years since his death and I continue to be amazed how those triggers are still out there ready to reopen the wounds of my heart in a split second.  And with these wounds reopened, a series of emotions threaten to overwhelm me and send me spiraling into days of sadness and yes, even some depression.  

And in the midst of this, life must go on.  My other children must be cared for, Appointments to keep, parent teacher conferences, dental appointments, doctor appointments, birthday parties.  Life doesn't stop just because my wounds have been reopened.  But, sometimes, I wish i could get off the insanity treadmill and rest, just rest quietly, alone for a week or two.  

For those of you who have experienced deep loss, I'm sure you understand what I am talking about.  For days like these it is good to have a barrier, a Savior in whose arms we can rest, safe and secure knowing He will carry and sustain us during these troubling times.  Trusting in Him can prevent us from going over the edge.

Even though there are still cloudy and stormy days, I still believe and have seen that there is,

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy