Got Guilt?

I love watching the television shows NCIS and Criminal Minds.  Even though Criminal Minds can get a bit "dark" for my taste sometimes, I still enjoy watching the investigations unfold and finding out who is guilty of committing the crime.  Often times, the criminal feels no remorse or guilt.

Feelings of guilt or remorse are common to most of us.  And I believe that when we lose a loved one, guilt can become a roadblock that keeps us from moving forward in the grief process.  

Wikipedia defines guilt (the emotion) as "a cognitive or an emotional 
experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation."   

When a loved one dies, our life spirals out of control for a time.  And we often ask the question "why."   And in trying to find the answer to that question perhaps we wonder if the fault is ours, if somehow we were to blame.  I think it is probably natural for us to wonder if there was anything we could have done differently or should have done differently. We may struggle with past difficulties in the relationship, words we should have said but didn't or words we did say that we wish we could take back.  I know that sometimes a therapist or counselor will recommend writing a letter to your loved one and telling them everything that's on your heart.  And sometimes they recommend that you use the empty chair approach. (You pretend your loved one is in it, and you share your heart out loud with them.)  

I think there is another type of guilt that keeps us from moving forward in our grieving process.  I think for me personally, as a mother, I felt that if I moved forward it meant that somehow I would be leaving George behind, or that if I started to find joy in the midst of my storm he would think I was starting to forget him and I didn't want to make him sad.  May sound crazy to some of you and not so crazy to others.  Looking back, three years after his death, I can see that he would not have wanted me to stop living.  He would not have wanted me to feel guilty about moving forward.  When George was here, he was FULL of life. He would want the same for me.  If George is able to look down on me from his Heavenly home, I want him to see me enjoying a happy and productive life.

Sometimes friends, we must let go in order to move forward.  It doesn't mean the grieving stops, I'm not sure it ever does. We will always have a part of our heart missing.  But when we are able to let some joy back into our lives, we begin to slowly and steadily begin to live again.  And I think perhaps we need to think about our current relationships or past relationships.  Are there things we need to say now, while we still have the time?  Find something you can smile about today and you will begin to feel the

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings!
Betsy