My Heart Stopped Beating Today

For a moment today it felt as if my heart had stopped beating and my breath would not come.  My mind spiraled back in time to the day I walked the accident spot. That time when so many of the emotions I had been doing my best to hold in check during those immediate days following George's death, came tumbling out.  

You see, today I was attempting to reorganize one of my storage sheds.  I came across a box that was labeled something other than what it really was. Why I opened it, I don't really know.  When I did, I was caught off guard.  For inside that box was a stack of newspapers with the articles about my son's death and underneath those papers were two items I had found as I walked that accident scene almost four years ago - a handlebar from the bike - the last thing he would have touched before he died, and the glasses he had been wearing that were thrown from his face.

One look was all it took for a million thoughts, memories, and questions to come flooding back.  One look was all it took for me to be hit in the gut with the harsh reality of his death.  Every single day I know he's not here.  And every single day I miss his face, his smile, his laughter and his hugs.  And today I wanted to see that face and that smile.  I wanted so much to hear his laughter and feel one of his tight and loving hugs.  I wanted it so very much. Today I wanted my son back.  

Today was hard.  And I know there will always be those hard days that come from seemingly nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks.  But I also know that my Savior is taking good care of my boy.  And I know I will see his face again, hear his laughter, and enjoy his hugs!  In the meantime I also know my Savior is watching over me with eyes full of love and arms full of compassion, grace and peace.  Yes, today was a stormy day.  But for now my heart will continue to beat and my breathing will continue. And, because of His love, I know there will be 

Sunshine After the Storm
Blessings
Betsy